How was I doing before the study?
If I had been told just two years ago that I would be a subject in a study on the effects of LSD in connection with serious illness and depression, I would have considered this to be complete nonsense.
But that’s how it happened, and there is no question that this study has changed my life so much that in retrospect I sometimes wonder how I could endure all the years before.
People hear the word “depression” and then think of sad times. Perhaps the slogan that comes to mind is the futility of being, but then they turn back to their own everyday life. You think to yourself: “He has nothing.”, Or: “He’s fine!” Because the depression is invisible.
I have been diagnosed with MS for many years. I’ve been a househusband involuntarily for over a decade. It doesn’t look so dramatic on the outside. We are doing well financially. We have a healthy son and, until recently, a fantastic dog. So what reason would I have to feel bad?
But the fact was, I felt like I was in a black hole, everything was completely pointless. My thoughts circled in a loop. Nothing helped. I could move around the apartment, sit with the therapist or go to the cafe. No matter what I did, it felt empty of meaning.
I read in clever books that it is important to take care of yourself. So I did that. But when I did something for myself and my health, for example, made sure to drink enough, my depression began to make me feel that even trying to care for myself was doomed to fail and that it was pointless to do something Do In addition, I was increasingly struggling with the pain and limitations caused by MS.